This is Scorchy’s friend & blog sister Kathi. Today is Scorchy’s birthday. Yes, her birthday really is on Valentine’s Day, a day that will be forever bittersweet, because exactly three months ago, on November 14, 2017, Scorchy died of metastatic breast cancer. Last year was a wretched year for our friend, a year that included falls, pressure sores, hospitalizations, infections, delirium, hospice care, and several occasions when she appeared to be near death, only to pull back from the brink. But although Scorchy managed to elude death a number of times, she knew she couldn’t keep it at bay forever. And when she was lucid, she knew she had to plan for the end while she could. Part of that plan was to draft a few last blog posts. And then to ask me if I would post them for her if she didn’t get a chance to do it herself.  This is one of them, drafted as near as I can tell in October, 2017, describing an incident that took place in late September, when finally, she got her hair washed by the nurses at the hospice facility, albeit in a somewhat unconventional manner.


“Darlin’, give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there hair, shoulder length or longer
Here, baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair”

 — lyrics from the title song for ‘Hair,’ the musical

There is nothing quite so precious as clean hair that is cut well. Since I had been in the hospital since late February, 2017, I hadn’t had a clean head. I couldn’t afford to care, and was happy when I finally had the chance only three weeks ago to have it washed. Then last weekend my friend’s stylist came and cut it.

Happy as a clam, I am.

It is very hard to maintain good hygiene while in the in hospital. Especially when you can’t shower. My hair is washed in a bed pan which is pretty classy, but at least it’s clean, right?

Being in a place like hospice is very strange. Existentially it’s strange because there is no conscious recollection of what happened to me. Is that what the end of life is? Do you just pull the plug and go away? Is there some level of consciousness that is maintained somewhere? What does it all mean? All of these are questions on the continuum of life that can’t be easily answered, but with which we grapple on an almost daily basis.

I was informed that I had days to live. Some said hours. HOURS! Clearly I was having nothing to do with that timeline. I was going out on my terms.

With clean hair!



Getting my hair washed in a bedpan!


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12 Responses to Hair

  1. nancyspoint says:

    Scorchy, we miss you. Kathi, thank you,

  2. maesprose says:

    You are a good friend. Thank you for posting this. I like reading her words one last time.

  3. randiek says:

    Hi Kathi, Thank you for sharing Scorchy’s post! So many of us have been there … and amazingly after getting our hair washed it feels like we can conquer all obstacles! I remember breaking my hip & along with my “other” challenges I had to get CLEAN after being in the hospital … it took me 3 hours & tears of frustration but I did it … not my usual way … but I was CLEAN! I felt fabulous! I never take washing my hair for granted … Scorchy is giving us testament to that! I hope you’re well, again thank you for sharing. God Bless You ~Randie

    Sent from my iPad


  4. dglassme says:

    My precious dear friend, the Death Star loomed with in you, lurking to take you as a vehicle for its return, last laugh Death Star no more but, as you knew it would be an eye-for-an-eye. Might as well go out pretty regardless of the instruments to get you there. Come on, you once tucked yourself away in a toilet paper roll to locate that bastard Floyd. Happy trails, hopefully you found a short white bus with clouds painted on it and rock and roll blasting out of it to celebrate your heart filled birthday in space. Love you girl! D

  5. Lawson Brouse says:

    Thank you folks, for caring……..

  6. Susan says:

    Holy Bat balls. I remember this day so well. Scorchy had been asking them to wash it for a while. Some of her hair was falling out on her pillow before it was washed because she had a few rounds of doxil before she fell, got admitted to physical rehab, wound care, hospital, and then Hospice.
    She asked me to take this photo. I was so glad tons of hair strands didn’t all end up in the bedpan.
    Kathi and all of you who loved Scorchy so much- I promise to publish my thoughts on my blog soon.
    I just hope she is in heaven reunited with her mom and her cats. Meanwhile I really miss her. I know we all do.

  7. marcus m matherne says:

    God bless you Scorchy! I swear you passed through my mind several months ago (its never a coincidence). I enjoyed having our paths cross in the blog world. You told me several times along the way that my blog made you laugh. I’m glad I had the chance to make you smile.
    Your pain is, without a doubt by me, gone now. Run and laugh forever!
    Thank you, Kathi for doing this!

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